Reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
by Annabella Lucy Nox
Summary: Umbridge wants to expose Harry's "lies". She finds 5 books and decides to read them to Hogwarts and some Ministry officals. Has some OCs.
1. The Gathering

I do not own Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling does. I do own Cierra Sol and Celestial Fireheart

**Chapter 1: The Gathering**

Fifthteen year old Harry Potter and his two best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger were sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room working on homework. Harry was finishing up a Charms essay when two of his other best friends, Cierra Sol and Celestial Fireheart came running up to him. Cierra was a short fifth year girl with long brown wavy hair with dark brown eyes while Celestial was a tall fifth year girl with dark auburn hair, a soft face, and amber eyes.

"Guys, Umbridge called everyone to the Great Hall for something," Celestial said while trying to catch her breathe.

"What does the old toad want now", Ron groaned as he put his Transfiguration book in his bag.

"It's probably one of her stupid decrees knowing Umbitch," said Cierra, rolling her eyes.

They walked down to the Great Hall together. Upon entering the hall, they saw all of the Order of the Phoenix there, including Sirius (in dog form, of course). They sat at the Gryffindor table and also saw Amelia Bones, the idoitic Minister of Magic, Cornelius Fudge, Percy Weasley, and some other Ministry officals sitting at the Head table with the professors. Umbridge had the most sickening smug look on her toadlike face.

"Today, I came across some very interesting books about a student," Umbridge annouced in a sickening sweet voice that resemble nails on a chalkboard, "this student's name is Harry Potter. We are going to read them to expose his lies about You-Know-Who being back."

"Are you kidding me," Harry shouted at Umbridge, then he turned to Dumbledore, "Professor Dumbledore, is this even legal?"

"Sadly, yes," Dumbledore said, not looking Harry in the eye, which akind annoyed Harry.

"So let's begin," Umbridge continued, "I'll read first. The title of the book is Harry Potter and the _**Prisoner of Azkaban. **_Chapter One_** Owl Post**_.


	2. Owl Post

I Do not own Harry Potter, J.K. does. I do own Cierra Sol, the rest of the Sol family, Celestial Fireheart, and the rest of the Fireheart family.

Chapter 2: **Owl Post**

**Harry Potter was a highly unusual boy in many ways.**

"You can say that again," Cierra said with a smirk.

**For one thing, he hated the summer holidays more than any other time of year.**

Celestial looked at Harry. "Why's that," she asked.

"One word: relatives," Harry replied.

**For another, he really wanted to do his homework**

"Harry, how could you betray us like that," Fred and George shouted in mock anger.

"Well, I think it's a good thing Harry is doing his homework," Hermione pouted.

**but was forced to do it in secret, in the dead of night.**

**And he also happened to be a wizard.**

"No duh," Zacharias Smith sneered

**It was nearly midnight, and he was lying on his stomach in bed, the blankets drawn right over his head like a tent, a flashlight in one hand and a large leather-bound book (A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot) propped open against the pillow. Harry moved the tip of his eagle-feather quill down the page, frowning as he looked for something that would help him write his essay, 'Witch Burning in the Fourteenth Century Was Completely Pointless** — **discuss.'**

"Those burning really were pointless," Seamus said.

**The quill paused at the top of a likely looking paragraph. Harry pushed his round glasses up the bridge of his nose,** **moved his flashlight closer to the book, and read:**

**Non-magic people (more commonly known as Muggles) were particularly afraid of magic in medieval times, but not very good at recognizing it. On the rare occasion that they did catch a real witch or wizard, burning had no effect witch or wizard would perform a basic Flame-Freezing Charm and then pretend to shriek with pain while enjoying a gentle, tickling sensation. Indeed, Wendelin the Weird enjoyed being burned so much that she allowed herself to be caught no less than forty-seven times in various disguises.**

"She was one weird witch," someone at the Hufflepuff table remarked.

"That was why she was called Wendelin the Weird," their friend explained.

**Harry put his quill between his teeth and reached underneath his pillow for his inkbottle and a roll of parchment. Slowly and very carefully he unscrewed the ink bottle, dipped his quill into it, and began to write, pausing every now and then to listen,**

**because if any of the Dursleys heard the scratching of his quill on their way to the bathroom, he'd probably find himself locked in the cupboard under the stairs for the rest of the summer.**

"What," the entire hall minus Umbridge, Snape, the Slytherins, and Fudge shouted.

"Why on Earth would they lock you in a cupboard," Remus asked.

"Can we please continue," Harry said, wanting to change the subject.

Umbridge continued to read.

**The Dursley family of Number Four, Privet Drive, was the reason that Harry never enjoyed his summer holidays. Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, and their son, Dudley, were Harry's only living relatives. They were Muggles, and they had a very medieval attitude toward magic.**

"Well, that's just awful," Celestial older brother, Flavius remarked.

**Harry's dead parents, who had been a witch and wizard themselves, were never mentioned under the Dursleys' roof.** **For years, Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had hoped that if they kept Harry as downtrodden as possible, they would be able to squash the magic out of him.**

"Are they idoits," Celestial older sister, Fiametta exclaimed, "you can't squash magic out of a person, it's impossible. And even attempting it is dangerous."

**To their fury, they had not been successful.**

"Of course, they weren't successful," Cierra's oldest brother, David muttered, "like Fiametta said, it's impossible to stamp out magic."

**These days they lived in terror of anyone finding out that Harry had spent most of the last two years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The most they could do, however, was to lock away Harry's spell books, wand, cauldron, and broomstick at the start of the summer break, and forbid him to talk to the neighbors.**

"Assholes," someone from the Ravenclaw table muttered under their breathe.

**This separation from his spell books had been a real problem for Harry, because his teachers at Hogwarts had given him a lot of holiday work. One of the essays, a particularly nasty one about shrinking potions, was for Harry's least favorite teacher, Professor Snape,**

"I know how you feel. I hate those too." Cierra's other older brother, Tony said. Snape glared at the sixth year Gryffindor.

**who would be delighted to have an excuse to give Harry detention for a month.**

"I bet he would have," Dean mumbled.

"Mr. Potter, I'm sure if you would have explained your situation, we would have made an exception." McGongall said.

**Harry had therefore seized his chance in the first week of the holidays. While Uncle Vernon, Aunt Petunia, and Dudley had gone out into the front garden to admire Uncle Vernon's new company car (in very loud voices, so that the rest of the street would notice it too),**

"Show-offs," Tony mumbled.

**Harry had crept downstairs, picked the lock on the cupboard under the stairs, grabbed some of his books, and hidden them in his bedroom.**

_'So that_ _why he never gets caught sneaking_ _around_' Snape nastily thought.

**As long as he didn't leave spots of ink on the sheets, the Dursleys need never know that he was studying magic by night. **

**Harry was particularly keen to avoid trouble with his aunt and uncle at the moment, as they were already in an especially bad mood with him,**

"What happenned now," Cierra asked when Ron turned pink.

**all because he'd received a telephone call from a fellow wizard one week into the school vacation.**

Ron turned so red that his face matched his hair.

**Ron Weasley, who was one of Harry's best friends at Hogwarts, came from a whole family of wizards. This meant that he knew a lot of things Harry didn't, but had never used a telephone before.**

"This isn't good to end well, is it," Cierra's younger brother, Evan said.

**Most unluckily, it had been Uncle Vernon who had answered the call.**

**"Vernon Dursley speaking."**

**Harry, who happened to be in the room at the time, froze as he heard Ron's voice answer.**

**"HELLO? HELLO? CAN YOU HEAR ME? I — WANT — TO — TALK — TO — HARRY — POTTER!"**

**Ron was yelling so loudly that Uncle Vernon jumped and held the receiver a foot away from his ear, staring at it with an expression of mingled fury and alarm.**

Several people burst out laughing.

"What's so funny," Daphne Greengrass asked.

"You aren't suppose to yell in the phone," Cierra explained after calming down.

**"WHO IS THIS?" he roared in the direction of the mouthpiece. "WHO ARE YOU?"**

"Him yelling back didn't really help," Ron said sheepishly.

**"RON — WEASLEY!" Ron bellowed back, as though he and Uncle Vernon were speaking from opposite ends of a football field. "I'M — A — FRIEND — OF — HARRY'S — FROM — SCHOOL —"**

**Uncle Vernon's small eyes swiveled around to Harry, who was rooted to the spot.**

**"THERE IS NO HARRY POTTER HERE!" he roared, now holding the receiver at arm's length, as though frightened it might explode.**

"Paranoid much," Moody growled.

Tonks snorted. "You're one to talk."

**"I DON'T KNOW WHAT SCHOOL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! NEVER CONTACT ME AGAIN! DON'T YOU COME NEAR MY FAMILY!"**

**And he threw the receiver back onto the telephone as if dropping a poisonous spider.**

Ron shuddered at the mention of spiders.

**The fight that had followed had been one of the worst ever.**

**"HOW DARE YOU GIVE THIS NUMBER TO PEOPLE LIKE — PEOPLE LIKE YOU!" Uncle Vernon had roared, spraying Harry with spit.**

"That's disgusting," Lavander Brown said wrinking her nose in disgust. Parvati Patil nodded in agreement

**Ron obviously realized that he'd gotten Harry into trouble, because he hadn't called again.**

"Yeah, I guessed it was a bad idea to call again." Ron said.

**Harry's other best friend from Hogwarts, Hermione Granger, hadn't been in touch either. Harry suspected that Ron had warned Hermione not to call,**

"He did," Hermione said.

**which was a pity, because Hermione, the cleverest witch in Harry's year, had Muggle parents, knew perfectly well how to use a telephone, and would probably have had enough sense not to say that she went to Hogwarts.**

**So Harry had had no word from any of his wizarding friends for five long weeks, and this summer was turning out to be almost as bad as the last one.**

"How bad was the summer before that," Neville asked.

"Pretty bad," Harry replied.

**There was just one very small improvement — after swearing that he wouldn't use her to send letters to any of his friends, Harry had been allowed to let his owl, Hedwig, out at night. Uncle Vernon had given in because of the racket Hedwig made if she was locked in her cage all the time.**

"That's animal abuse to keep her locked in her cage." Charlie Weasley shouted.

**Harry finished writing about Wendelin the Weird and paused to listen again. The silence in the dark house was broken only by the distant, grunting snores of his enormous cousin, Dudley. It must be very late, Harry thought. His eyes were itching with tiredness. Perhaps he'd finish this essay tomorrow night…**

"You should really get some sleep, dear." Mrs. Weasley said.

**He replaced the top of the ink bottle; pulled an old pillowcase from under his bed; put the flashlight, A History of Magic, his essay, quill, and ink inside it; got out of bed; and hid the lot under a loose floorboard under his bed.**

"Good hiding place," Kingsley said.

**Then he stood up, stretched, and checked the time on the luminous alarm clock on his bedside table.** **It was one o'clock in the morning. Harry's stomach gave a funny jolt. He had been thirteen years old, without realizing it, for a whole hour.**

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HARRY" the twins shouted.

"Thanks but it's not my birthday." Harry said.

"Who cares," Fred said.

**Yet another unusual thing about Harry was how little he looked forward to his birthdays. He had never received a birthday card in his life.**

"That's sad," Celestial said.

**The Dursleys had completely ignored his last two birthdays,**

"Jerks," a blonde second year girl from Hufflepuff said.

**and he had no reason to suppose they would remember this one.**

"Idiots," Terry Boot said.

**Harry walked across the dark room, past Hedwig's large, empty cage, to the open window. He leaned on the sill, the cool night air pleasant on his face after a long time under the blankets.**

"That sounds nice," Luna Lovegood said in her dreamy like voice.

**Hedwig had been absent for two nights now.**

"Where is she?" Fiametta said.

"You'll see." Harry said with a smile on his face.

**Harry wasn't worried about her: she'd been gone this long before. But he hoped she'd be back soon — she was the only living creature in this house who didn't flinch at the sight of him.**

"That sucks," Cierra said.

**Harry, though still rather small and skinny for his age, had grown a few inches over the last year.**

"He's still scrawny." George teased.

**His jet-black hair, however, was just as it always had been — stubbornly untidy, whatever he did to it.**

"That's just Potter hair right there." Remus said.

**The eyes behind his glasses were bright green, and on his forehead, clearly visible through his hair, was a thin scar, shaped like a bolt of lightning.**

Harry scowled at the mention of his scar.

**Of all the unusual things about Harry, this scar was the most extraordinary of all. It was not, as the Dursleys had pretended for ten years, a souvenir of the car crash that had killed Harry's parents,**

"What! Lily and James wouldn't have died in a car crash!" Remus shouted, "That's an insult to their memory!"

**because Lily and James Potter had not died in a car crash.**

**They had been murdered, murdered by the most feared Dark wizard for a hundred years, Lord Voldemort.**

Umbridge stumbled of the name and everyone except Harry, Dumbledore, the Fireheart family, and the Sol family flinched. Harry rolled his eyes and said, "Oh come on people, it's just a name."

**Harry had escaped from the same attack with nothing more than a scar on his forehead, where Voldemort's curse, instead of killing him, had rebounded upon its originator. Barely alive, Voldemort had fled…**

"This is a lie! You-Know-Who is dead!" Umbridge shouted.

"He is alive and I saw him come back!" Harry shouted back.

**But Harry had come face-to-face with him at Hogwarts.**

"What!" 3/4 of the students exclaim.

"How did that happen," Rose Zeller from Hufflepuff asked.

"It's a long story." Harry replied.

**Remembering their last meeting as he stood at the dark window, Harry had to admit he was lucky even to have reached his thirteenth birthday.**

"No thirteen year old should think like that," McGonagall said quietly.

**He scanned the starry sky for a sign of Hedwig, perhaps soaring back to him with a dead mouse dangling from her beak, expecting praise. Gazing absently over the rooftops, it was a few seconds before Harry realized what he was seeing.**

**Silhouetted against the golden moon, and growing larger every moment, was a large, strangely lopsided creature, and it was flapping in Harry's direction. **

"What the?" Susan Bones said.

**He stood quite still, watching it sink lower and lower. For a split second he hesitated, his hand on the window latch, wondering whether to slam it shut.** **But then the bizarre creature soared over one of the street lamps of Privet Drive, and Harry, realizing what it was, leapt aside.**

"Bet it's Hedwig," said Hermione.

**Through the window soared three owls, two of them holding up the third, which appeared to be unconscious.**

"Errol," the Weasleys shouted.

**They landed with a soft flump on Harry's bed, and the middle owl, which was large and gray, keeled right over and lay motionless. There was a large package tied to its legs.**

"Poor Errol," Luna said.

**Harry recognized the unconscious owl at once — his name was Errol, and he belonged to the Weasley family. Harry dashed to the bed, untied the cords around Errol's legs, took off the parcel, and then carried Errol to Hedwig's cage. Errol opened one bleary eye, gave a feeble hoot of thanks, and began to gulp some water. Harry turned back to the remaining owls. One of them, the large snowy female, was his own Hedwig.**

"I've always loved your owl, Harry. She's so beautiful." Lavander cooed.

**She, too, was carrying a parcel and looked extremely pleased with herself. She gave Harry an affectionate nip with her beak as he removed her burden, then flew across the room to join Errol.**

**Harry didn't recognize the third owl, a handsome tawny one, but he knew at once where it had come from, because in addition to a third package, it was carrying a letter bearing the Hogwarts crest.**

"I hated that letter," Harry said.

**When Harry relieved this owl of its burden, it ruffled its feathers importantly, stretched its wings, and took off through the window into the night. Harry sat down on his bed and grabbed Errol's package, ripped off the brown paper, and discovered a present wrapped in gold and his first ever birthday card.**

Nearly everyone in the hall gave Harry pitying looks, which ignored.

**Fingers trembling slightly, he opened the pieces of paper fell out — a letter and a newspaper clipping. The clipping had clearly come out of the wizarding newspaper, the Daily Prophet, because the people in the black-and-white picture were moving.**

**Harry picked up the clipping, smoothed it out, and read:**

**MINISTRY OF MAGIC EMPLOYEE SCOOPS GRAND PRIZE**

The Weasley smiled at the memory of winning that lottery.

**Arthur Weasley,**

The Weasley children, minus Percy, cheered at the mention of their father.

**Head of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office at the Ministry of Magic, has won the annual Daily Prophet Grand Prize Galleon Draw.**

"I couldn't think of anyone else who deserved that money more," Harry said. Mrs. Weasley beamed at him.

**A delighted Mr. Weasley told the Daily Prophet, "We will be spending the gold on a summer holiday in Egypt, where our eldest son, Bill, works as a curse breaker for Gringotts Wizarding Bank."**

**The Weasley family will be spending a month in Egypt, returning for the start of the new school year at Hogwarts, which five of the Weasley children currently attend.**

**Harry scanned the moving photograph, and a grin spread across his face as he saw all nine of the Weasleys waving furiously at him, standing in front of a large pyramid.**

"That sounds awesome," Dennis Creevey said.

**Plump little Mrs. Weasley;**

Harry went pink and said, "Sorry Mrs. Weasley."

"It's fine, dear." Mrs. Weasley said.

**tall, balding Mr. Weasley;**

Mr. Weasley consciously rubbed the top of his head.

**six sons; and one daughter, all (though the black-and-white picture didn't show it) with flaming-red hair. Right in the middle of the picture was Ron, tall and gangling, with his pet rat, Scabbers,**

Everyone who knew about Wormtail scowled at the mention of the traitor while Snuffles started growling.

**on his shoulder and his arm around his little sister, Ginny.**

**Harry couldn't think of anyone who deserved to win a large pile of gold more than the Weasleys, who were very nice and extremely poor.**

**He picked up Ron's letter and unfolded it.**

**Dear Harry,**

**Happy birthday!**

**Look, I'm really sorry about that telephone call. I hope the Muggles didn't give you a hard time. I asked Dad, and he reckons I shouldn't have shouted.**

"You think," said Cierra.

**It's amazing here in Egypt. Bill's taken us around all the tombs and you wouldn't believe the curses those old Egyptian wizards put on them. Mum wouldn't let Ginny come in the last one. There were all these mutant skeletons in there, of Muggles who'd broken in and grown extra heads and stuff.**

"Can you blame me? I didn't want her to have nightmare." Mrs. Weasley said.

**I couldn't believe it when Dad won the Daily Prophet Draw. Seven hundred galleons! Most of it's gone on this trip, but they're going to buy me a new wand for next year.**

"You really need a new wand," Mr. Weasley said.

**Harry remembered only too well the occasion when Ron's old wand had snapped. It had happened when the car the two of them had been flying to Hogwarts had crashed into a tree on the school grounds.**

**We'll be back about a week before term starts and we'll be going up to London to get my wand and our new books. Any chance of meeting you there? Don't let the Muggles get you down!**

**Try and come to London,**

**Ron**

**P.S. Percy's Head Boy. He got the letter last week.**

"It was so annoying to listen to him brag." George said.

**Harry glanced back at the photograph. Percy, who was in his seventh and final year at Hogwarts, was looking particularly smug.** **He had pinned his Head Boy badge to the fez perched jauntily on top of his neat hair, his horn-rimmed glasses flashing in the Egyptian sun.**

"Did you really have to wear that badge while on vacation," a first year Gryffindor asked Percy, which he pointly ignored.

**Harry now turned to his present and unwrapped it. Inside was what looked like a miniature glass spinning top. There was another note from Ron beneath it.**

**Harry — this is a Pocket Sneakoscope. If there's someone untrustworthy around, it's supposed to light up and spin. Bill says it's rubbish sold for wizard tourists and isn't reliable, because it kept lighting up at dinner last night. But he didn't realize Fred and George had put beetles in his soup.**

"I should have known that was the twin's doing," Bill said, shaking his head while the twins sniggered.

**Bye — Ron**

**Harry put the Pocket Sneakoscope on his bedside table, where it stood quite still, balanced on its point, reflecting the luminous hands of his clock.**

"That's actually a useful gift," Mr. Sol said.

**He looked at it happily for a few seconds, then picked up the parcel Hedwig had brought.**

**Inside this, too, there was a wrapped present, a card, and a letter, this time from Hermione.**

**Dear Harry,**

**Ron wrote to me and told me about his phone call to your Uncle Vernon. I do hope you're all right. I'm on holiday in France at the moment**

"Cool," someone at the Ravenclaw table said.

**and I didn't know how I was going to send this to you — what if they'd opened it at customs? — but then Hedwig turned up! I think she wanted to make sure you got something for your birthday for a change.**

"That's so nice of Hedwig. I wish I had an owl like that." said a third year Hufflepuff.

**I bought your present by owl-order; there was an advertisement in the Daily Prophet (I've been getting it delivered; it's so good to keep up with what's going on in the wizarding world). Did you see that picture of Ron and his family a week ago? I bet he's learning loads. I'm really jealous — the ancient Egyptian wizards were fascinating. There's some interesting local history of witchcraft here, too. I've rewritten my whole History of Magic essay to include some of the things I've found out, I hope it's not too long — it's two rolls of parchment more than Professor Binns asked for.**

Everyone stared at Hermione in shock. "Sweet Merlin, Hermione, that's a lot of information." Celestial said

**Ron says he's going to be in London in the last week of the holidays. Can you make it? Will your aunt and uncle let you come? I really hope you can. If not, I'll see you on the Hogwarts Express on September first!**

**Love from Hermione**

**P.S. Ron says Percy's Head Boy. I'll bet Percy's really pleased. Ron doesn't seem too happy about it.**

Percy scowled at his brother.

**Harry laughed as he put Hermione's letter aside and picked up her present. It was very heavy. Knowing Hermione, he was sure it would be a large book full of very difficult spells**

"It probably is," someone said while Hermione looked smug.

**but it wasn't. His heart gave a huge bound as he ripped back the paper and saw a sleek black leather case, with silver words stamped across it, reading Broomstick Servicing Kit. There was a large jar of Fleetwood's High-Finish Handle Polish, a pair of gleaming silver Tail-Twig Clippers, a tiny brass compass to clip on your broom for long journeys, and a Handbook of Do-It-Yourself Broomcare.**

"That's so cool," the quidditch nuts yelled.

**Apart from his friends, the thing that Harry missed most about Hogwarts was Quidditch, the most popular sport in the magical world — highly dangerous, very exciting, and played on broomsticks. Harry happened to be a very good Quidditch player;**

"Understatement," the Gryffindor Quidditch team said.

**he had been the youngest person in a century to be picked for one of the Hogwarts House teams. One of Harry's most prized possessions was his Nimbus Two Thousand racing broom.**

Harry smiled at the mention of his old broom.

**Harry put the leather case aside and picked up his last parcel. He recognized the untidy scrawl on the brown paper at once: this was from Hagrid, the Hogwarts gamekeeper.**

**He tore off the top layer of paper and glimpsed something green and leathery, but before he could unwrap it properly, the parcel gave a strange quiver, and whatever was inside it snapped loudly — as though it had jaws.**

"Great, it's that stupid book." Draco Malfoy sneered.

**Harry froze. He knew that Hagrid would never send him anything dangerous on purpose, but then, Hagrid didn't have a normal person's view of what was dangerous.**

"Sorry Hagrid," Harry said.

"It's alright Harry," Hagrid said.

**Hagrid had been known to befriend giant spiders, buy vicious, three-headed dogs from men in pubs, and sneak illegal dragon eggs into his cabin.**

"Ah ha, arrest that half-breed." Umbridge shouted.

"You will do no such thing, Dolores." Madam Bones said. Umbridge glared back at the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.

**Harry poked the parcel nervously.**

"I don't blame you." Celestial said.

**It snapped loudly again. Harry reached for the lamp on his bedside table, gripped it firmly in one hand, and raised it over his head, ready to strike. Then he seized the rest of the wrapping paper in his other hand and pulled.**

**And out fell — a book.**

"How is a book dangerous?" a first year Ravenclaw asked.

"This book is dangerous. Trust me." Cierra said.

**Harry just had time to register its handsome green cover, emblazoned with the golden title The Monster Book of Monsters, before it flipped onto its edge and scuttled sideways along the bed like some weird crab.**

**"Uh-oh," Harry muttered.**

"Uh oh is right." Ron said.

**The book toppled off the bed with a loud clunk and shuffled rapidly across the room.**

"Let's hope it does wake your relatives up." Celestial said.

"It didn't." Harry said.

**Harry followed it stealthily. The book was hiding in the dark space under his desk. Praying that the Dursleys were still fast asleep, Harry got down on his hands and knees and reached toward it.**

**"Ouch!"**

**The book snapped shut on his hand and then flapped past him,**

"Ow, that has to hurt." Cierra said sympathetically.

**still scuttling on its covers. Harry scrambled around, threw himself forward, and managed to flatten it. Uncle Vernon gave a loud, sleepy grunt in the room next door.**

**Hedwig and Errol watched interestedly as Harry clamped the struggling book tightly in his arms, hurried to his chest of drawers, and pulled out a belt, which he buckled tightly around it. The Monster Book shuddered angrily, but could no longer flap and snap,**

"They really give insturction on how to open those things." David said shaking his head fondly.

**so Harry threw it down on the bed and reached for Hagrid's card.**

**Dear Harry,**

**Happy Birthday!**

**Think you might find this useful for next year.**

**Won't say no more here. Tell you when I see you.**

**Hope the Muggles are treating you right.**

**All the best,**

**Hagrid**

"Typical Hagrid; short, sweet, and to the point." Flavius said.

**It struck Harry as ominous that Hagrid thought a biting book would come in useful, but he put Hagrid's card up next to Ron's and Hermione's, grinning more broadly than ever.**

"It feel nice getting my first three birthday cards." Harry said smiling.

Now there was only the letter from Hogwarts left.

**Noticing that it was rather thicker than usual, Harry slit open the envelope, pulled out the first page of parchment within, and read:**

**Dear Mr. Potter,**

**Please note that the new school year will begin on September the first. The Hogwarts Express will leave from King's Cross station, platform nine and three-quarters, at eleven o'clock.**

**Third years are permitted to visit the village of Hogsmeade on certain weekends. Please give the enclosed permission form to your parent or guardian to sign.**

**A list of books for next year is enclosed.**

**Yours sincerely,**

**Professor M. McGonagall**

**Deputy Headmistress**

"The Dursleys aren't going to sign." someone said.

"No duh," their friend said.

"Hey Harry, if the Dursleys didn't sign your form, why are you allowed to go to Hogmeade." Neville said to Harry.

"You'll see at the end of the book." Harry said with a smirk.

**Harry pulled out the Hogsmeade permission form and looked at it, no longer grinning.**

**It would be wonderful to visit Hogsmeade on weekends; he knew it was an entirely wizarding village, and he had never set foot there. But how on earth was he going to persuade Uncle Vernon or Aunt Petunia to sign the form?**

"Perhaps blackmail," Fiametta suggested.

"FIAMETTA ANNABELLA FIREHEART! Don't you dare suggest that." Mrs. Fireheart said sternly.

"Well, Mrs. Fireheart, actually.." Harry said.

"You didn't blackmail them, didn't you?" Mrs. Fireheart said.

"Maybe," Harry said with a smile.

**He looked over at the alarm clock. It was now two o'clock in the morning.**

"You really need to go to sleep, dear." Mrs. Weasley said.

**Deciding that he'd worry about the Hogsmeade form when he woke up, Harry got back into bed and reached up to cross off another day on the chart he'd made for himself, counting down the days left until his return to Hogwarts.**

**Then he took off his glasses and lay down; eyes open, facing his three birthday cards.**

**Extremely unusual though he was, at that moment Harry Potter felt just like everyone else — glad, for the first time in his life, that it was his birthday.**

"That's really sad, you should alway feel glad when it's your birthday." Cierra said sadly.

"Who want to read next." Umbridge said.

"I will," McGonagall said as she took the book, "Chapter two, **_Aunt Marge's Big Mistake_**."


	3. Aunt Marge's Big Mistake

I Do not own Harry Potter, J.K. does. I do own Cierra Sol, the rest of the Sol family, Celestial Fireheart, and the rest of the Fireheart family.

* * *

**Chapter 3: Aunt Marge's Big Mistake**

**Harry went down to breakfast the next morning to find the three Dursleys already sitting around the kitchen table. They were watching a brand-new television,**

"What's a television," a pureblood Slytherin asked.

"Write down any Muggle terms and after the reading is done, I'll have a lesson of them." the Muggle Studies, Charity Burbage said.

**a welcome-home-for-the-summer present for Dudley, who had been complaining loudly about the long walk between the fridge and the television in the living room.**

"Quit complaining and get off your lazy arse," Cierra muttered.

"CIERRA GABRIELLA SOL! You are not to use that word, you understand?" Mrs. Sol reproached. Cierra quickly gave a nervous nod.

**Dudley had spent most of the summer in the kitchen,** **his piggy little eyes fixed on the screen and his five chins wobbling as he ate continually.**

"I didn't even know it was possible to have five chin," Mr. Sol said, "that is truly disgusting."

**Harry sat down between Dudley and Uncle Vernon, a large, beefy man with very little neck and a lot of moustache.**

"How attractive," Celestial said dryly.

**Far from wishing Harry a happy birthday, none of the Dursleys gave any sign that they had noticed Harry enter the room,**

Half the Gryffindors and some of the Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws glared at the book.

**but Harry was far too used to this to care.**

"No one should be use to family ignoring them," Hermione said sadly.

**He helped himself to a piece of toast and then looked up at the newsreader on the television, who was halfway through a report on an escaped convict.**

"I wonder who that could be," Cierra said in mock curiosity.

"**...the public is warned that Black is armed and extremely dangerous. ****A special hotline has been set up, and any sighting of Black should be reported immediately."**

"**No need to tell us ****_he's_**** no good," snorted Uncle Vernon, staring over the top of his newspaper at the prisoner. "Look at the state of him, the filthy layabout! Look at his hair!"** **He shot a nasty sideways glance at Harry, whose untidy hair had always been a source of great annoyance to Uncle Vernon.**

"I should invent a spell that causes people hair to become messy and then cast it on Vernon." Fiametta joked.

**Compared to the man on the television, however, whose gaunt face was surrounded by a matted, elbow-length tangle, Harry felt very well groomed indeed.**

**The newsreader had reappeared.**

"**The Ministry of Agriculture and Fisheries will announce today –"**

"**Hang on!" barked Uncle Vernon, staring furiously at the newsreader. "You didn't tell us where the lunatic's escaped from! What use it that? Lunatic could be coming up the street right now!"**

**Aunt Petunia, who was bony and horse-faced,**

"Another lovely description," Fiametta said in a voice dripping with sarcasm.

**whipped around and peered intently out of the kitchen window. Harry knew Aunt Petunia would simply love to be the one to call the hotline number. She was the nosiest woman in the world and spent most of her life spying on her boring, law-abiding neighbors.**

"**When will they ****_learn_****," said Uncle Vernon, pounding the table with his large purple fist,** **"that hanging's the only way to deal with these people?"**

"What! That's way too extreme," Fiametta exclaimed.

"I hundred percent agree with Mr. Dursley," Umbridge said.

Everyone stared at Umbridge in shock, but said nothing because they, with the exception of Fudge and Percy knew she was a stupid toad-faced hag.

"**Very true," said Aunt Petunia, who was still squinting into next door's runner-beans.**

**Uncle Vernon drained his teacup, glanced at his watch, and added, "I'd better be off in a minute, Petunia, Marge's train gets in at ten."**

**Harry, whose thoughts had been upstairs with his Broomstick Servicing Kit,**

**was brought back to earth with an unpleasant bump.**

"**Aunt Marge?" he blurted out. "Sh-****_she's_**** not coming here, is she?"**

"How bad could she possibly be?" someone said.

**Aunt Marge was Uncle Vernon's sister. Even though she was not a blood relative of Harry's (whose mother had been Aunt Petunia's sister), he had been forced to call her 'Aunt' all his life. Aunt Marge lived in the country, in a house with a large garden, where she bred bulldogs.**

**She didn't often stay in Privet Drive, because she couldn't bear to leave her precious dogs, but each of her visits stood out horribly vividly in Harry's mind.**

"How bad could they possibly be?" Neville asked.

"Pretty bad," Harry replied.

**At Dudley's fifth birthday party, Aunt Marge had whacked Harry around the shins with her walking stick to stop him beating Dudley at musical statues.**

"WHAT!" the entire hall shouted looking at Harry in shock. The twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes went out.

"That's child abuse," Mrs. Sol, Mrs. Fireheart, Madam Pomfrey, McGonagall and Mrs. Weasley shreiked.

**A few years later, she had turned up at Christmas with a computerized robot for Dudley and a box of dog biscuits for Harry.**

"That horrible," Cierra said.

**On her last visit, the year before Harry had started at Hogwarts, Harry had accidentally trodden on the paw of her favourite dog.**

"That can't be good," Celestial said.

**Ripper had chased Harry out into the garden and up a tree, and Aunt Marge had refused to call him off until past midnight.**

"That's horrible," Neville said.

**The memory of the incident still brought tears of laughter to Dudley's eyes.**

"Idiot," Dean mumbled.

"**Marge'll be here for a week," Uncle Vernon snarled, "and while we're on the subject," he pointed a fat finger threateningly at Harry,** "**we need to get a few things straight before I go and collect her."**

**Dudley smirked and withdrew his gaze from the television. Watching Harry being bullied by Uncle Vernon was Dudley's favorite form of entertainment.**

"Of course it is," Cierra said, trying to not get angry.

"**Firstly," growled Uncle Vernon, "you'll keep a civil tongue in your head when you're talking to Marge."**

"Only if she does," Harry mumbled.

"**All right," said Harry bitterly, "if she does when she's talking to me."**

"Don't change much do you, Harry." Cierra said with a cheeky smirk.

"**Secondly," said Uncle Vernon, acting as though he had not heard Harry's reply,** **"as Marge doesn't know anything about your ****_abnormality_****,**

"What does he mean by abnormality," Cierra said in a dangerous voice.

"He means magic," Harry said.

**I don't want any – any ****_funny _****stuff** **while she's here. You behave yourself, got me?"**

"**I will if she does," said Harry through gritted teeth.**

"**And thirdly," said Uncle Vernon, his mean little eyes now slits in his great purple face,** **"we've told Marge you attend St Brutus's Secure Centre for Incurably Criminal Boys."**

"What," the entire hall except the obvious yelled.

"**_What_****?" Harry yelled.**

"**And you'll be sticking to that story, boy, or there'll be trouble," spat Uncle Vernon.**

**Harry sat there, white-faced and furious, staring at Uncle Vernon, hardly able to believe it. Aunt Marge coming for a week-long visit – it was the worst birthday present the Dursleys had ever given him, including that pair of Uncle Vernon's old socks.**

"I would consider it more of a punishment." Neville said.

"**Well, Petunia," said Uncle Vernon, getting heavily to his feet, "I'll be off to the station, then. Want to come along for the ride, Dudders?"**

"**No," said Dudley, whose attention had returned to the telvision now that Uncle Vernon had finished threatening Harry.**

"**Duddy's got to make himself smart for his auntie," said Aunt Petunia,**

"Good luck with that because he seems pretty thick." Seamus said.

**smoothing Dudley's thick blond hair. "Mummy's bought him a lovely new bow-tie."**

**Uncle Vernon clapped Dudley on his porky shoulder.**"**See you in a bit, then," he said, and he left the kitchen.**

**Harry, who had been sitting in a kind of horrified trance,**

"You're not the only one," Flavius said.

**had a sudden idea.**

"Oh no, this won't end well," Hermione said.

"Hey, I have some good ideas." Harry pouted in mock hurt.

"True but most of your ideas crash and burn in the end," Hermione said.

**Abandoning his toast, he got quickly to his feet and followed Uncle Vernon to the front door. Uncle Vernon was pulling on his car coat. **

"**I'm not taking ****_you_****," he snarled, as he turned to see Harry watching him.**

"Like he would want to come." Fiametta snarled.

"**Like I wanted to come," said Harry coldly. "I want to ask you something."**

**Uncle Vernon eyed him suspiciously.**

"**Third years at Hog – at my school are allowed to visit the village sometimes," said Harry.**

"**So?" snapped Uncle Vernon, taking his car keys from a hook next to the door.**

"**I need you to sign the permission form," said Harry in a rush.**

"Good luck with a bold appoarch." David said.

"**And why should I do that?" sneered Uncle Vernon.**

"Because it's his birthday," Flavius said as though he was talking to a child.

"**Well," said Harry, choosing his words carefully, "it'll be hard work, pretending to Aunt Marge that I go to that St Whatsits..."**

"Sneaky, sneaky Harry," The twins chanted.

**St Brutus's Secure Centre for Incurably Criminal Boys!" bellowed Uncle Vernon, and Harry was pleased to hear a definite note of panic in Uncle Vernon's voice.**

"**Exactly," said Harry, looking calmly up into Uncle Vernon's large, purple face. "It's a lot to remember. I'll have to make it sound convincing, won't I? What if I accidentally let something slip?"**

"Ever though I'm normally against blackmailing, this is actually a good plan," Flavius said.

"**_You'll get the stuffing knocked out of you, won't you_****?" roared Uncle Vernon, advancing on Harry with his fist raised.**

"He better not," Remus snarled.

"He wouldn't, he just likes to make empty threats." Harry reassured.

**But Harry stood his ground.**

"Good boy, don't him let intimidate you." Moody said.

"**Knocking the stuffing out of me won't make Aunt Marge forget what I could tell her," he said grimly.**

**Uncle Vernon stopped, his fist still raised, his face an ugly puce.**

"**But if you sign my permission form," Harry went on quickly, "I swear I'll remember where I'm supposed to go to school, and I'll act like a Mug – like I'm normal and everything."**

**Harry could tell that Uncle Vernon was thinking it over, even if his teeth were bared and a vein was throbbing in his temple.**

"**Right," he snapped finally. "I shall monitor your behaviour carefully during Marge's visit. If, at the end of it, you've toed the line and kept to the story, I'll sign your ruddy form."**

**He wheeled around, pulled open the front door, and slammed it so hard that one of the little panes of glass at the top fell out. Harry didn't return to the kitchen. He went back upstairs to his bedroom. If he was going to act like a real Muggle, he'd better start now. Slowly and sadly he gathered up all his presents and his birthday cards and hid them under the loose floorboard with his homework. Then he went to Hedwig's cage. Errol seemed to have recovered; he and Hedwig were both asleep, heads under their wings. Harry sighed, then poked them both awake.**

"Harry, don't poke the owls wake," Celestial scolded half-heartily

"**Hedwig," he said gloomily, "you're going to have to clear off for a week. Go with Errol, Ron'll look after you.** **I'll write him a note, explaining. And don't look at me like that" – Hedwig's large amber eyes were reproachful,**

"I'm sure she's just worried about you." Celestial said.

**"it's not my fault. It's the only way I'll be allowed to visit Hogsmeade with Ron and Hermione."**

**Ten minutes later, Errol and Hedwig (who had a note to Ron bound to her leg) soared out of the window and out of sight. Harry, now feeling thoroughly miserable, put the empty cage away inside the wardrobe. But Harry didn't have long to brood. In next to no time, Aunt Petunia was shrieking up the stairs for Harry to come down and get ready to welcome their guest.**

"**Do something about your hair!" Aunt Petunia snapped as he reached the hall.**

"That won't work," Ron said with a smirk.

**Harry couldn't see the point of trying to make his hair lie flat. Aunt Marge loved criticizing him, so the untidier he looked, the happier she would be.**

**All too soon, there was a crunch of gravel outside as Uncle Vernon's car pulled back into the driveway, then the clunk of the car doors, and footsteps on the garden path.**

"**Get the door!" Aunt Petunia hissed at Harry.**

"Say please," David snarled.

**A feeling of great gloom in his stomach, Harry pulled the door open.**

**On the threshold stood Aunt Marge, she was very like Uncle Vernon; large, beefy, and purple-faced, she even had a moustache though not as bushy as his.**

Several people gagged at this description.

**In one hand she held an enormous suitcase, and tucked under the other was an old and evil-tempered bulldog.**

"**Where's my Dudders?" roared Aunt Marge. "Where's my neffy poo?"**

"Neffy poo," the twins snorted, "if we ever see him again, we are so calling him that."

**Dudley came waddling down the hall, his blond hair plastered to flat to his fat head, a bow-tie just visible under his many chins.**

"That have been a big bow-tie," Dean remarked.

**Aunt Marge thrust the suitcase into Harry's stomach, knocking the wind out of him, seized Dudley in a tight one-armed hug, and planted a large kiss on his cheek.**

"Ew"

**Harry knew perfectly well that Dudley only put up with Aunt Marge's hugs because he was well paid for it, and sure enough, when they broke apart, Dudley had a crisp twenty-pound note clutched in his fat fist.**

"Greedy little git," Bill said.

"WILLAM!" his mother shouted

"What, you know it's true." Bill said.

"**Petunia!" shouted Aunt Marge, striding past Harry as though he was a hat-stand. Aunt Marge and Aunt Petunia kissed, or rather, Aunt Marge bumped her large jaw against Aunt Petunia's bony cheekbone.**

Yet again, several people gagged at this description.

**Uncle Vernon now came in, smiling jovially as he shut the door.**

"**Tea, Marge?" he said. "And what will Ripper take?"**

"Water," a seventh year Hufflepuff suggested.

"**Ripper can have some tea out of my saucer," said Aunt Marge,**

"You don't give a dog tea." Charlie shouted.

**as they all trooped into the kitchen, leaving Harry alone in the hall with the suitcase. But Harry wasn't complaining; any excuse not to be with Aunt Marge was fine by him, so he began to heave the case upstairs into the spare bedroom, taking as long as he could.**

"I don't blame you," Cierra said.

**By the time he got back into the kitchen, Aunt Marge had been supplied with tea and fruitcake and Ripper was lapping noisily in the corner. Harry saw Aunt Petunia wince as specks of tea and drool flecked her clean floor. Aunt Petunia hated animals.**

"I bet she loved that then," Mrs. Fireheart said with a smirk.

"**Who's looking after the dogs, Marge?" Uncle Vernon asked.**

"**Oh, I've got Colonel Fubster managing them," boomed Aunt Marge. "He's retired now, good for him to have something to do. But I couldn't leave poor Ripper. He pines if he's away from me."**

**Ripper began to growl again as Harry sat down. This directed Aunt Marge's attention to Harry for the first time.**

"**So!" she barked. "Still here, are you?"**

"**Yes," said Harry.**

"**Don't you say 'yes' in that ungrateful tone," Aunt Marge growled.**

"How was his tone grateful," Celestial said through gritted teeth.

**"It's damned good of Vernon and Petunia to keep 't have done it myself. You'd have gone straight to an orphanage if you'd been dumped on ****_my_**** doorstep."**

"I'll rather live in an orphanage than with the Dursley." Harry muttered.

**Harry was bursting to say that he'd rather live in an orphanage than with the Dursleys**

"You don't change much do you." Celestial said with a smirk.

**but the thought of the Hogsmeade form stopped him. He forced his face into a painful smile.**

"**Don't you smirk at me!" boomed at Aunt Marge.**

"It wasn't a smirk," Fred said.

"It was a painful smile," George said.

"**I can see you haven't improved since I last saw you. I hoped school would knock some manners into you." She took a large gulp of tea, wiped her moustache and said, "Where is it that you send him again, Vernon?"**

"Hogwarts," all the students shouted.

"**St Brutus's," said Uncle Vernon promptly. "It's a first-rate institution for hopeless cases."**

"If it's for hopeless cases, why would you bother sending someone there," Astoria Greengrass said.

_'That is where he belongs_,' Umbridge nastily thought

"**I see," said Aunt Marge. "Do they use the cane at St Brutus's, boy?" she barked across the table.**

"What kind of question is that." Hermione all but yelled.

"**Er –"**

**Uncle Vernon nodded curtly behind Aunt Marge's back.**

**Yes," said Harry. Then, feeling he might as well do the thing properly, he added, "All the time."**

"**Excellent," said Aunt Marge. **

"Not excellent," Mrs. Sol snarled.

**"I won't have this namby-pamby, wishy-washy nonsense about not hitting people who deserve it. A good thrashing is what's needed in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred.**

"**Have ****_you_**** been beaten often?"**

"What a sadistic women," Mrs. Fireheart angrily said.

"**Oh, yeah," said Harry, "loads of times."**

"Too causal, boy," Moody growled.

**Aunt Marge narrowed her eyes.**

"**I still don't like your tone, boy," she said. "If you can speak of your beatings in that casual way, they clearly aren't hitting you hard enough. Petunia, I'd write if I were you. Make it clear that you approve of the use of extreme force in this boy's case."**

Mrs. Weasley was red in the face with anger.

**Perhaps Uncle Vernon was worried that Harry might forget their bargain; in any case, he changed the subject abruptly.**

"**Heard the news this morning, Marge? What about that escaped prisoner, eh?"**

"Way to change the subject," Kingsley said rolling his eyes.

**As Aunt Marge started to make herself at home, Harry caught himself thinking almost longingly of life at number four without her.**

"She is that bad?" Lisa Turpin asked.

"She is," Harry confirmed.

**Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia usually encouraged Harry to stay out of their way, which Harry was only too happy to do. Aunt Marge, on the other hand, wanted Harry under her eye at all time, so that she could boom out suggestions for his improvement.**

"What does she mean by that," Hermione said angrily.

**She delighted in comparing Harry with Dudley,**

"What is she comparing, weight differences," Ginny exclaimed.

**and took huge pleasure in buying Dudley expensive presents whilst glaring at Harry, as though daring him to ask why he hadn't got a present, too.**

"That's just plain cruel," Mrs. Weasley said.

**She also kept throwing out dark hints about what made Harry such an unsatisfactory person.**

"In what way," Cierra angrily said.

"**You mustn't blame yourself for the way the boy's turned out, Vernon," she said over lunch on the third day. "If there's something rotten on the ****_inside_****, there's nothing anyone can do about it."Harry tried to concentrate on his food, but his hands shook and his face was starting to burn with anger. **

**Remember the form, he told himself. ****_Think about Hogsmeade. Don't say anything. Don't rise –_**

**Aunt Marge reached for her glass of wine.**

"**It's one of the basic rules of breeding," she said. "You see it all the time with dogs. If there's something wrong with the bitch, there'll be something wrong with the pup –"**

"How dare you compare Lily with a dog," the people who knew Lily shouted.

'_That stupid Mudblood deserves to be compared to a dog'_ Umbridge thought

Snape with shaking in a silent rage.

**At that moment, the wine glass Aunt Marge was holding exploded in her hand.**

Everyone looked at Harry in shock.

"You still do accidental magic," Hermione said.

Harry shrugged "Doesn't everybody."

"No, I stopped performing accidental magic after I got my wand," Cierra said.

"Same for me," Ron said.

"Me too," Celestial said.

"It is said if you still perform accident magic after you got your wand, the you are very powerful," Dumbledore explained.

**Shards of glass flew in every direction and Aunt Marge spluttered and blinked, her great ruddy face dripping.**

"**Marge!" squealed Aunt Petunia. "Marge, are you all right?"**

"I hope not," Mrs. Fireheart muttered darkly.

"**Not to worry," grunted Aunt Marge, mopping her face with her napkin. "Must have squeezed it too hard. Did the same thing at Colonel Fubster's the other day. No need to fuss, Petunia, I have a very strong grip..."**

"Muggles will do any thing not to notice us." Mr. Weasley said shaking his head fondly

**But Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon were both looking at Harry suspiciously, so he decided he'd better skip pudding and escape from the table as soon as he could.**

"That's probably a good idea." Mr. Fireheart said.

**Outside in the hall, he leaned against the wall, breathing deeply. It had been a long time since he'd lost control and made something explode. He couldn't afford to let it happen again.**

**The Hogsmeade form wasn't the only thing at stake – if he carried on like that, he'd be in trouble with the Ministry of Magic.**

**Harry was still an underage wizard, and he was forbidden by wizard law to do magic outside school. His record wasn't exactly clean, either.**

**Only last summer he'd got an official warning**

"Which wasn't his fault," Ron said loudly to the Ministry officals.

**which had stated quite clearly that if the Ministry got wind of any more magic in Privet Drive, Harry would face expulsion from Hogwarts. He heard the Dursleys leaving the table and hurried upstairs out of the way.**

**Harry got through the next three days by forcing himself to think about his ****_Handbook of Do-it-Yourself Broomcare_**** whenever Aunt Marge started on him.**

"Good, don't let her get to you." Mr. Sol said.

**This worked quite well, though it seemed to give him a glazed look, because Aunt Marge starting voicing the opinion that he was mentally subnormal.**

"If anyone is mentally subnormal, it's her," Cierra sneered.

**At last, at long last, the final evening of Marge's stay arrived.**

"Finally," the hall shouted.

**Aunt Petunia cooked a fancy dinner and Uncle Vernon uncorked several bottles of wine.**

"Uh oh, my gut tells me this won't end well," Cierra said.

**They got all the way through the soup and the salmon without a single mention of Harry's faults;**

"That must be a record," Cierra said.

"It was," Harry said.

**during the lemon meringue pie, Uncle Vernon bored them all with a long talk about Grunnings, his drill-making company;**

"Boorrriing," George and Fred sang.

**then Aunt Petunia made coffee and Uncle Vernon brought out a bottle of brandy.**

"**Can I tempt you, Marge?"**

**Aunt Marge had already had rather a lot of wine.**

"This isn't going to end well." Ginny said

**Her huge face was very red.**

"**Just a small one, then," she chuckled. "A bit more than that... and a bit more... that's the boy."**

**Dudley was eating his fourth slice of pie. Aunt Petunia was sipping coffee with her little finger sticking out. Harry really wanted to disappear to his bedroom, but he met Uncle Vernon's angry little eyes** **and knew he would have to sit it out.**

"Was he trying to get you angry," Celestial said, outraged.

**Aah," said Aunt Marge, smacking her lips and putting the empty brandy glass back down."Excellent nosh, Petunia. It's normally just a fry-up for me of an evening, with twelve dogs to look after..." She burped richly and patted her great tweed stomach.**

"That's disgusting," Lavander said.

**"Pardon me. But I do like to see a healthy-sized boy," she went on, winking at Dudley.**

"On what planet is Dudley healthy-sized." Celestial said.

"**You'll be a proper-sized man, Dudders, like your father. **

"If Vernon is proper sized, then I'm a Sphinx." Cierra said.

**Yes, I'll have a spot more brandy, Vernon..."**

"**Now, this one here –"** **She jerked her head at Harry, who felt his stomach clench. ****_The Handbook_****, he thought quickly.**

"Don't listen to her," Cierra shouted.

"Cierra, you do realize you're talking to a book." Harry said. Cierra's face became very pink.

"**This one's got a mean, runty look about him. You get that with dogs. I had Colonel Fubster drown one last year. Ratty little thing it was. Weak. Underbred."**

"Is she saying you should be drowned!" a very angry Mrs. Weasley said. All of Harry's friends were fuming. Snuffles started growling and Remus was shaking with anger.

"Umm, yeah," Harry said nervously.

"If I ever see her, I am going to hex her so bad." Ginny muttered.

**Harry was trying to remember page twelve of his book: ****_A Charm to Cure Reluctant Reversers_****. **"**It all comes down to blood, as I was saying the other day.** **Bad blood will out.**

"She sounds like a Muggle version of a Death Eater." Neville said angrily.

**Now, I'm saying nothing against your family, Petunia"**– **she patted Petunia's bony hand with her shovel-like one, "but your sister was a bad egg.**

_'Lily wasn't a bad egg'_ Snape angrily thought

"My mum wasn't a bad egg," Harry said angrily.

**They turn up in the best families.** **Then she ran off with a wastrel and here's the result right in front of us."**

"James wasn't not a wastrel," Remus shouted.

**Harry was staring at his plate, a funny ringing in his ears.**

"Oh no, Harry is getting really mad," Cierra said wearily.

**Grasp your broom firmly by the tail, he thought. But he couldn't remember what came next. Aunt Marge's voice seemed to be boring into him like one of Uncle Vernon's drills.**

"**This Potter," said Aunt Marge loudly, seizing the brandy bottle and splashing more into her glass and over the tablecloth, "you never told me what he did?"**

"He was an Auror," Mr. Sol said.

**Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia were looking extremely tense. Dudley had even looked up from his pie to gape at his parents.**

"**He – didn't work," said Uncle Vernon, with a half-glance at Harry. "Unemployed."**

"Liar," Remus and Mr. Sol snarled when Snuffles started to growl.

"**As I expected!" said Aunt Marge, taking a huge swig of brandy and wiping her chin on her sleeve. "A no-account, good-for-nothing, lazy scrounger who –"**

"He was not," Remus shouted.

"**He was not," said Harry suddenly. The table went very quiet. Harry was shaking all over. He had never felt so angry in his life.**

"Uh oh, run for the hills-," Fred cried.

"Women and children first." George shouted.

"Harry Potter is furious!" They said together.

"**MORE BRANDY!" yelled Uncle Vernon, who had gone very white. He emptied the bottle into Aunt Marge's glass. "You, boy," he snarled at Harry. "Go to bed, go on –"**

"Sure, now you tell him to go to bed." Kingsley said rolling his eyes.

"**No, Vernon," hiccoughed Aunt Marge, holding up a hand, her tiny bloodshot eyes fixed on Harry's. "Go on, boy, go on. Proud of your parents, are you? They go and get themselves killed in a car crash (drunk, I expect) –"**

"They would never drive drunk!" Mrs. Fireheart shouted.

"**They didn't die in a car crash!" said Harry, who found himself on his feet.**

"**They died in a car crash, you nasty little liar, and left you to be a burden on their decent, hardworking relatives!" screamed Aunt Marge,**

"Hardworking? Ha, yeah right," Celestial said.

**swelling with fury.**

Ron and twins grinned with glee as they realized what was happenning.

**"You are an insolent, ungrateful little –"**

"Harry is not insolent or ungrateful!" Cierra shouted.

**But Aunt Marge had suddenly stopped speaking. For a moment, it looked as though words had failed her.**

"Finally," the hall shouted.

**She seemed to be swelling with inexpressible anger – but the swelling didn't great red face started to expand, her tiny eyes bulged, and her mouth stretched too tightly for speech.**

**Next second, several buttons burst from her tweed jacket and pinged off the walls – she was inflating like a monstrous balloon, her stomach bursting free of her tweed waistband, each of her fingers blowing up like salami...**

Everyone burst out laughing.

"**MARGE!" yelled Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia together, as Aunt Marge's whole body began to rise off her chair towards the ceiling. **

**She was entirely round, now, like a vast life buoy with piggy eyes, and her hands and feet stuck out weirdly as she drifted up into the air, making apoplectic popping noises. Ripper came skidding into the room, barking madly.**

"**NOOOOOOO!"**

**Uncle Vernon seized one of Aunt Marge's feet and tried to pull her down again, but was almost lifted from the floor himself. Next second, Ripper had leapt forward and sunk his teeth into Uncle Vernon's leg.**

"Good boy," the hall shouted.

**Harry tore from the dining room before anyone could stop him, heading for the cupboard under the stairs. The cupboard door burst magically open as he reached it.**

**In seconds, he had heaved his trunk to the front door. He sprinted upstairs and threw himself under the bed, wrenched up the loose floorboard and grabbed the pillowcase full of his books and birthday presents. He wriggled out, seized Hedwig's empty cage and dashed back downstairs to his trunk, just as Uncle Vernon burst out of the dining room, his trouser leg in bloody tatters.**

"Good," David muttered darkly.

"**COME BACK IN HERE!" he bellowed. "COME BACK AND PUT HER RIGHT!"**

"She deserved it," Celestial snarled.

**But a reckless rage had come over Harry.**

That's not good at all," Flavius said

**He kicked his trunk open, pulled out his wand and pointed it at Uncle Vernon.**

"It's not a good idea to hex him at the moment, " Mr. Sol said.

"**She deserved it," Harry said, breathing very fast. "She deserved what she got. You keep away from me."**

"Yeah," the twins shouted in agreement.

**He fumbled behind him for the catch on the door.**

"**I'm going," Harry said. "I've had enough."**

**And next moment, he was out in the dark, quiet street, heaving his heavy trunk behind him, Hedwig's cage under his arm.**

"So you just left," Cierra said.

"Yup," Harry said.

"Who wants to read next," McGonagall said.

"I will" Madam Hooch said as she took the book," Chapter three, **_The Knight Bus._**"


End file.
